Sitting out in the cool morning on my back porch, hot coffee, Bible and pen in hand.  I'm looking at this tree the neighbors want to cut down because it's an annoyance to them.  Apparently the leaves keep falling in their pool.  It's not in our yard, so it's not our concern.  But I still feel like it's part mine. I love a particular limb on that tree and I watch it change during the seasons.  It's brought me great joy over the years to see summer leaves thin and fall and then...surprise! This most graceful branch with a perfect curl on the end and twigs in just the right place.  It's even more beautiful when the cardinal (we affectionately call him "Little Red") rests there in a mid-winter snow.  So...my heart is sad.  Sad at the thought of someone cutting down that beauty.  I feel a fleeting shadow of what Mary or John might have felt as Jesus carried that cross.  Just a bystander, helpless, without a voice in the matter. Just watching as people who do not see the Beauty but simply find it annoyance, obstructing their Cause, do away with it.  The Tree has done nothing to deserve death.  It's simply grown and flourished and provided shade just as the Father intended.  It has worshiped.  And yet I hear..."Be still and know, Shawna."  Is He not sovereign over the death of this tree? Is He not at work? Does He not have more He wants to accomplish by the sacrifice of those limbs - perhaps the whole tree?  Will He not bring resurrection when we surrender to His sovereign plan?  The neighbors were matter-a-fact.  It will be done.  The tree will be cut off, or die.  I'll probably wince.  I might tear up when my favorite branch falls to the ground.  But I will wait on the Lord.  I will pray for both my neighbors (those who are cutting and those who own the tree) that the Gospel will shine through.  I will look for Beauty in the death.  And I will look for Beauty in all other things.  Perhaps this death will even bring a new perspective of Beauty hiding from me before.  This world disregards and extinguishes that which is Beautiful all the time.  It's my job as His glory-seeker to keep looking for it, keep allowing my life to be it.  He is the Beauty...and He makes all things beautiful in His time.  Ecc 3:11, Ps. 149:4, Is 52:7

tan brown to straw colored

I've lived in a desert region. I know a good dust storm and the importance of irrigating. I know when my curly hair won't bend and I might as well just give up and blow dry it straight for the day.  I know dry.  This summer Michigan has experienced dry. Like drought, dry.  An article talking about lawn care said you know your lawn is in trouble when you see the color of your grass go from tan brown to straw colored. My husband and I kind of chuckled at the beginning of the dry spell...like "Is there really a difference?"  Well, friends...there's a difference. I saw it today.  Patches of our grass were definitely straw-colored vs. the tan brown.  Everything is so, so dry.  Even my ivy is getting crispy. There's a sense of urgency in getting the sprinkler out there.  Before we could get by without watering. We could rely on the shade of trees, the dew of the morning, a sprinkle here and there.  But not today. The conditions of no rain and high heat have withered the fruit of the earth.  Water is unconditional for survival. If we do not soak the ground and garden now, the harvest may be lost.
The more I walk with Jesus, the more I feel the growing dryness of my soul when I do not spend time drinking and filling my cup on the banks of His River.  His presence.  As the body shows signs of dehydration, so follows my soul.  Instead of a dry, cotton mouth, a headache or fatigue, I see His Life Flow withering...more selfishness, criticism, negativity, self-pity...no fruit.  Ahhhh...but when I sit at The River in prayer. When I stand under the shower of His Word.  When I listen to Streams of Truth from the Spirit...then my soul gets chills in the Soak. I am revived. I feel life and perspective and the hope of Fruit and Harvest again.  I need Water like my grass needs the sprinkler.  And I cannot rely on the "shade of the occasional sermon", the "dew of a worship song", a "a sprinkle of the Word" here or there.  Oh! May I heed the warning signs of a tan-brown spirit! May I stay so connected to the Water Source that I am ever-green.  In seasonal droughts like this one you can always tell which neighbors have a well as their water source.  Those of us with city water have to pay to sprinkle...and so we don't until necessary.  Those with a well have lawns that are lush, green, soft and tender even in the midst of intensely arid, hot, harsh days on end.  God's children have a Well....we just have to stay connected to it.  We have to draw from it...every day. Every. Day.  May the God who refreshes our souls remind us to come to Him. Before we get brittle.  Especially when we are brittle.  He restores. He renews. He waters. He fills.  I don't know about you, but I think I'm feeling like I could use a drink :)

Grace and peace,
shawna

The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.
Micah and I made up a sweet little tune the other day..."God is my shepherd and I'm his little lamb, he feeds me, he guides me, he's here wherever I am." I wish I could have him sing it for you...too cute :)
I've been thinking about that recently - that God is my shepherd and sustainer. He's been so good to me, especially so during this past week as my body has been fighting against a nasty virus that decided to wage war against me. No fun, but a great time to slow down a bit and think about life, love and Jesus. He is our sustainer and I know in so many ways he is continually ministering to my body and soul and feels every ache, wince and chill as I wait out the storm. He is so tender, so affection, so wanting to be near to me. Thank you, Lord Jesus.
"God is my shepherd and I'm his little lamb, He feeds me, He guides me, He's here wherever I am."

Praying for Christlikeness is not for the Faint of Heart

"Lord God, make me more like Jesus! Let His Spirit abide deeply within me. Showing me my weaknesses, His grace and strength, and conforming me more and more into His very likeness. With all compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
I pray this kind of prayer daily as I serve in this house, care for my children, support my husband, live amongst neighbors, worship with the Body...I sincerely want to be more and more like Jesus each passing day. I want Him to shine through and draw others to Himself by my acts of obedience and love. Yes, I want to be like Jesus.
And then this week came barrelling down the road. And I found myself weak. broken. burnt out. despairing. confused. desperate. failing. offended. hurt.
I called out to Him and He answered. He led me to Truth in his Word and spoke it to my heart through His Spirit. "Shawna, have you not been praying to be more like me? Remember who I am. Remember what is the purest form of love. Remember what I did here on Earth two thousand years ago." I stopped dead in my tracks of self-pity and lifelessness...He's right. Being like Him means sacrifice. Over and over and over again. And again. Even when it feels like I'm on mile 25 in life's marathon race. This is what I've been praying for. I've been asking to be more like Him and here it is. I'm not sure what I thought it would look like...Maybe just these fragrant, swirling emotions of affection, compassion, kindness, all wrapped up in sweet smiles and joyful hugs and kisses? Like some kind of Good Witch of the North or Mrs. Cleaver. If that's what I think Christlikeness is, then I have let my conceptions become clouded by my own desires and the world's influence. No...this week, Christlikeness has looked more like patiently changing another diaper and wiping a bottom for the gazillionth time. It looks like choosing to extend grace (which I didn't) after preparing a special meal (complete with pinot grigio!) for my hubby and he's late once again because of a ministry call. It looks like opening up our home to a group of fellow believers even after a mentally and emotionally exhausting week. It looks like running to the Father in the midst of hopelessnes and tears begging for His truth, light, and joy. It looks like not counting how many times I've sacrificed or given of myself...not comparing with others. Just giving out of the overflow of the heart. And when there is nothing there but depression, sin and failure, then trusting Him to do it in and through me. TRUSTING in His unfailing love to sustain and come through. Christlikeness is trusting the Father to be and do for His good pleasure. It's hard sacrifice. It's blood, sweat and tears. So why in the world have I been praying for this? Because this is life. He is life. And in humility and becoming more like Him, true joy, true love, true identity, true hope, true purpose, true compassion, true relationship is found. Paul never wrote that dying to yourself is easy or painless. It's death. And death is painful, raw and brings grief, sorrow and loss. But in losing our lives, we find it. I TRUST in that. I TRUST in Him. I trust that whatever the degree of self-sacrifice and death, He is worth it. And He will carry me through. So I won't stop praying. I'll shed my tears, I'll wring out my sorrowful soul, I'll limp my way to His arms...But I won't stop praying to become more like Him. He is all I have. Jesus is all I need. May He shine so brightly and fair through this broken, cracked vessel. I am His. He is mine. Amen and Amen.

Diligent to preserve the unity

What if the Body of Christ was really all about unity. And unity was fostered by complete, Christlike humility in every believer? What would that look like? The idea that we belong to one another. That living in unity - no, not just living, but pursuing and constantly moving towards unity is how we walk in a manner worthy of the calling with thich we have been called. (Eph 4:1-3) Our pastor brought to attention in a recent sermon how in John 17, Jesus prayed for all believers (that's means you and me) during his last hours on earth. And for what did our Savior petition the Father? For joy? peace? contentment? protection? No. For unity. He prayed that we would all be united. He prayed, "...that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent me." And then a verse later He adds, "I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved me." (John 17:24) Of all the things He could have prayed, He prioritized unity among the Brethren. It seems the American church has largely missed the boat on this one. We're too caught up in individualized spirituality. We're too entangled in pride. But let me preface that by saying, I am too entangled in pride. I have for too long considered the gifts of the Spirit (i.e. evangelism, prophesy, apostleship, pastoring, teaching, etc... see Eph 4:11) to be a special gift from Him to me. But if you keep reading in Eph 4:12, the gifts are actually for the equipping of the saints to the building up of the Body of Christ. They're for the church and for the lost world. When you think about it this way, it somehow puts a stronger emphasis on the importance of unity. It is absolutely essential for the church to be and do what it is ordained by God to do. So then, what does it look like? How do we "attain to the unity of the faith" (Eph 4:13). I think it starts by being poor in Spirit. By putting on Christ and growing up into Him, our head (4:15) It's by believing that the Father loves us even as He loves the Son (John 17:23) - and because of this we are free to experience true selflessness, by His grace and power. My thoughts are muddled now on such a profoundly deep and life changing topic. My three year old is being naughty to get my attention and my one year old is crying in her crib. So, I leave you to disect this on your own. May the Spirit give us wisdom and insight from the Father's very heart. May His grace lift us up. May our unbelief be demolished by strong faith and may we sink to deeper levels of humility in Christ than we've ever known before...that we might be diligent to preserve the unity of the saints.

Read it. Know it. Remember it. Speak it.

I just heard the beginning of this John Piper sermon called "My Words Shall Abide in You" and he began by quoting several large portions of scripture. I was challenged. How much more powerful would the church be if we all started memorizing scripture and then actually spoke it out loud?? I mean to have it so readily on your tongue that at the blink of an eye you could authoritatively throw it in the devil's face, instantaneoulsy causing him a blow he cannot overcome. (For the dragon was overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony...Rev. 12:11) That's how Jesus fought back in the wilderness under intense temptation. He knew the Word...He is the Word. And then to be able to just speak scripture to friends, family, strangers, neighbors, the hurting, the lost. To just incorporate it into conversation...maybe even unbeknownst to them. OH! To know the Word of God and have it hidden in my heart that at the overflow of my heart my mouth would speak! How much more powerful and LIFE giving would it be for me to verbalize not the words of Shawna, but the VERY words of Jesus, the Son of the Living God. We have chapters upon chapters of His spoken words right at our fingertips. How much closer we would be to our Lord if we not only read His words every now and then, but if we knew them by heart...and then spoke them into this world. John Piper reminded us that this world is ruled by a Liar. All scripture is God-breathed - His very breath and truth into this world of darkness, confusion, deceipt and mistrust. When we speak it, it's like shafts of gleaming bright light - piercing the darkness (remember that great visual book by Peretti?) So let's start proclaiming it, fellow warrior princesses :) And say it to me, even, if you will. I'd love to hear the Truth drench my life. Even God says He will speak it out. I love the LORD's words in Isaiah 45:19 (NLT) "I publicly proclaim bold promises. I do not whisper obsurities in some dark corner so no one can understand what I mean. And I did not tell the people of Israel to ask me for something I did not plan to give. I, the LORD, speak only what is true and right."

Facebook Jesus

I took the plunge and joined the rest of this planet on facebook the other night. What took me so long? Well, you know...I still hang on to the old forms of communication - phone, snail mail, email...and now blogging and facebook. Hello? I could be on the computer everyday, all day, just trying to manage it all. But it's fun, isn't it? I confess to a slight facebook "high" after sending and receiving friend invites. I wonder, what would Jesus write if He were on facebook?

I like the idea of my heart being His wall. And He writes on it all the time. Little messages here and there from the breath of His Spirit alive in me. I especially love it when He posts a picture on my heart - something I can take with me throughout the day. What has He posted on your heart, dear friend? A "Hey - loved our conversation over coffee together this morning..." or "You looked so beautiful today - I mean, the way you sacrificed your time for that hurting friend is so ME." Or maybe, "Hey there- I've been writing on your wall for the past several days but haven't heard from you. Seems you have too many other friends right now. I know what's going on with you. Wanna talk about it? I love you so much. I'll be here when you write back."

I'm not here to psycho-analyze why each of us is or isn't on facebook or email or whatever form of techie communication we may use. I'm just simply wondering out loud. So while it's quiet in the house, the kids are tucked in tight, I think I'll just resist that urge to check my email one last time and search for one last little friend on fb. I see the writing on the wall - (no, thank goodness not the wall in Daniel 5 :) The writing on the wall of my heart. I have a facebook date with the King of Kings...and I can't wait :)