Praying for Christlikeness is not for the Faint of Heart

"Lord God, make me more like Jesus! Let His Spirit abide deeply within me. Showing me my weaknesses, His grace and strength, and conforming me more and more into His very likeness. With all compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
I pray this kind of prayer daily as I serve in this house, care for my children, support my husband, live amongst neighbors, worship with the Body...I sincerely want to be more and more like Jesus each passing day. I want Him to shine through and draw others to Himself by my acts of obedience and love. Yes, I want to be like Jesus.
And then this week came barrelling down the road. And I found myself weak. broken. burnt out. despairing. confused. desperate. failing. offended. hurt.
I called out to Him and He answered. He led me to Truth in his Word and spoke it to my heart through His Spirit. "Shawna, have you not been praying to be more like me? Remember who I am. Remember what is the purest form of love. Remember what I did here on Earth two thousand years ago." I stopped dead in my tracks of self-pity and lifelessness...He's right. Being like Him means sacrifice. Over and over and over again. And again. Even when it feels like I'm on mile 25 in life's marathon race. This is what I've been praying for. I've been asking to be more like Him and here it is. I'm not sure what I thought it would look like...Maybe just these fragrant, swirling emotions of affection, compassion, kindness, all wrapped up in sweet smiles and joyful hugs and kisses? Like some kind of Good Witch of the North or Mrs. Cleaver. If that's what I think Christlikeness is, then I have let my conceptions become clouded by my own desires and the world's influence. No...this week, Christlikeness has looked more like patiently changing another diaper and wiping a bottom for the gazillionth time. It looks like choosing to extend grace (which I didn't) after preparing a special meal (complete with pinot grigio!) for my hubby and he's late once again because of a ministry call. It looks like opening up our home to a group of fellow believers even after a mentally and emotionally exhausting week. It looks like running to the Father in the midst of hopelessnes and tears begging for His truth, light, and joy. It looks like not counting how many times I've sacrificed or given of myself...not comparing with others. Just giving out of the overflow of the heart. And when there is nothing there but depression, sin and failure, then trusting Him to do it in and through me. TRUSTING in His unfailing love to sustain and come through. Christlikeness is trusting the Father to be and do for His good pleasure. It's hard sacrifice. It's blood, sweat and tears. So why in the world have I been praying for this? Because this is life. He is life. And in humility and becoming more like Him, true joy, true love, true identity, true hope, true purpose, true compassion, true relationship is found. Paul never wrote that dying to yourself is easy or painless. It's death. And death is painful, raw and brings grief, sorrow and loss. But in losing our lives, we find it. I TRUST in that. I TRUST in Him. I trust that whatever the degree of self-sacrifice and death, He is worth it. And He will carry me through. So I won't stop praying. I'll shed my tears, I'll wring out my sorrowful soul, I'll limp my way to His arms...But I won't stop praying to become more like Him. He is all I have. Jesus is all I need. May He shine so brightly and fair through this broken, cracked vessel. I am His. He is mine. Amen and Amen.

Diligent to preserve the unity

What if the Body of Christ was really all about unity. And unity was fostered by complete, Christlike humility in every believer? What would that look like? The idea that we belong to one another. That living in unity - no, not just living, but pursuing and constantly moving towards unity is how we walk in a manner worthy of the calling with thich we have been called. (Eph 4:1-3) Our pastor brought to attention in a recent sermon how in John 17, Jesus prayed for all believers (that's means you and me) during his last hours on earth. And for what did our Savior petition the Father? For joy? peace? contentment? protection? No. For unity. He prayed that we would all be united. He prayed, "...that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent me." And then a verse later He adds, "I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved me." (John 17:24) Of all the things He could have prayed, He prioritized unity among the Brethren. It seems the American church has largely missed the boat on this one. We're too caught up in individualized spirituality. We're too entangled in pride. But let me preface that by saying, I am too entangled in pride. I have for too long considered the gifts of the Spirit (i.e. evangelism, prophesy, apostleship, pastoring, teaching, etc... see Eph 4:11) to be a special gift from Him to me. But if you keep reading in Eph 4:12, the gifts are actually for the equipping of the saints to the building up of the Body of Christ. They're for the church and for the lost world. When you think about it this way, it somehow puts a stronger emphasis on the importance of unity. It is absolutely essential for the church to be and do what it is ordained by God to do. So then, what does it look like? How do we "attain to the unity of the faith" (Eph 4:13). I think it starts by being poor in Spirit. By putting on Christ and growing up into Him, our head (4:15) It's by believing that the Father loves us even as He loves the Son (John 17:23) - and because of this we are free to experience true selflessness, by His grace and power. My thoughts are muddled now on such a profoundly deep and life changing topic. My three year old is being naughty to get my attention and my one year old is crying in her crib. So, I leave you to disect this on your own. May the Spirit give us wisdom and insight from the Father's very heart. May His grace lift us up. May our unbelief be demolished by strong faith and may we sink to deeper levels of humility in Christ than we've ever known before...that we might be diligent to preserve the unity of the saints.