The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.
Micah and I made up a sweet little tune the other day..."God is my shepherd and I'm his little lamb, he feeds me, he guides me, he's here wherever I am." I wish I could have him sing it for you...too cute :)
I've been thinking about that recently - that God is my shepherd and sustainer. He's been so good to me, especially so during this past week as my body has been fighting against a nasty virus that decided to wage war against me. No fun, but a great time to slow down a bit and think about life, love and Jesus. He is our sustainer and I know in so many ways he is continually ministering to my body and soul and feels every ache, wince and chill as I wait out the storm. He is so tender, so affection, so wanting to be near to me. Thank you, Lord Jesus.
"God is my shepherd and I'm his little lamb, He feeds me, He guides me, He's here wherever I am."

Praying for Christlikeness is not for the Faint of Heart

"Lord God, make me more like Jesus! Let His Spirit abide deeply within me. Showing me my weaknesses, His grace and strength, and conforming me more and more into His very likeness. With all compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
I pray this kind of prayer daily as I serve in this house, care for my children, support my husband, live amongst neighbors, worship with the Body...I sincerely want to be more and more like Jesus each passing day. I want Him to shine through and draw others to Himself by my acts of obedience and love. Yes, I want to be like Jesus.
And then this week came barrelling down the road. And I found myself weak. broken. burnt out. despairing. confused. desperate. failing. offended. hurt.
I called out to Him and He answered. He led me to Truth in his Word and spoke it to my heart through His Spirit. "Shawna, have you not been praying to be more like me? Remember who I am. Remember what is the purest form of love. Remember what I did here on Earth two thousand years ago." I stopped dead in my tracks of self-pity and lifelessness...He's right. Being like Him means sacrifice. Over and over and over again. And again. Even when it feels like I'm on mile 25 in life's marathon race. This is what I've been praying for. I've been asking to be more like Him and here it is. I'm not sure what I thought it would look like...Maybe just these fragrant, swirling emotions of affection, compassion, kindness, all wrapped up in sweet smiles and joyful hugs and kisses? Like some kind of Good Witch of the North or Mrs. Cleaver. If that's what I think Christlikeness is, then I have let my conceptions become clouded by my own desires and the world's influence. No...this week, Christlikeness has looked more like patiently changing another diaper and wiping a bottom for the gazillionth time. It looks like choosing to extend grace (which I didn't) after preparing a special meal (complete with pinot grigio!) for my hubby and he's late once again because of a ministry call. It looks like opening up our home to a group of fellow believers even after a mentally and emotionally exhausting week. It looks like running to the Father in the midst of hopelessnes and tears begging for His truth, light, and joy. It looks like not counting how many times I've sacrificed or given of myself...not comparing with others. Just giving out of the overflow of the heart. And when there is nothing there but depression, sin and failure, then trusting Him to do it in and through me. TRUSTING in His unfailing love to sustain and come through. Christlikeness is trusting the Father to be and do for His good pleasure. It's hard sacrifice. It's blood, sweat and tears. So why in the world have I been praying for this? Because this is life. He is life. And in humility and becoming more like Him, true joy, true love, true identity, true hope, true purpose, true compassion, true relationship is found. Paul never wrote that dying to yourself is easy or painless. It's death. And death is painful, raw and brings grief, sorrow and loss. But in losing our lives, we find it. I TRUST in that. I TRUST in Him. I trust that whatever the degree of self-sacrifice and death, He is worth it. And He will carry me through. So I won't stop praying. I'll shed my tears, I'll wring out my sorrowful soul, I'll limp my way to His arms...But I won't stop praying to become more like Him. He is all I have. Jesus is all I need. May He shine so brightly and fair through this broken, cracked vessel. I am His. He is mine. Amen and Amen.

Diligent to preserve the unity

What if the Body of Christ was really all about unity. And unity was fostered by complete, Christlike humility in every believer? What would that look like? The idea that we belong to one another. That living in unity - no, not just living, but pursuing and constantly moving towards unity is how we walk in a manner worthy of the calling with thich we have been called. (Eph 4:1-3) Our pastor brought to attention in a recent sermon how in John 17, Jesus prayed for all believers (that's means you and me) during his last hours on earth. And for what did our Savior petition the Father? For joy? peace? contentment? protection? No. For unity. He prayed that we would all be united. He prayed, "...that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent me." And then a verse later He adds, "I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved me." (John 17:24) Of all the things He could have prayed, He prioritized unity among the Brethren. It seems the American church has largely missed the boat on this one. We're too caught up in individualized spirituality. We're too entangled in pride. But let me preface that by saying, I am too entangled in pride. I have for too long considered the gifts of the Spirit (i.e. evangelism, prophesy, apostleship, pastoring, teaching, etc... see Eph 4:11) to be a special gift from Him to me. But if you keep reading in Eph 4:12, the gifts are actually for the equipping of the saints to the building up of the Body of Christ. They're for the church and for the lost world. When you think about it this way, it somehow puts a stronger emphasis on the importance of unity. It is absolutely essential for the church to be and do what it is ordained by God to do. So then, what does it look like? How do we "attain to the unity of the faith" (Eph 4:13). I think it starts by being poor in Spirit. By putting on Christ and growing up into Him, our head (4:15) It's by believing that the Father loves us even as He loves the Son (John 17:23) - and because of this we are free to experience true selflessness, by His grace and power. My thoughts are muddled now on such a profoundly deep and life changing topic. My three year old is being naughty to get my attention and my one year old is crying in her crib. So, I leave you to disect this on your own. May the Spirit give us wisdom and insight from the Father's very heart. May His grace lift us up. May our unbelief be demolished by strong faith and may we sink to deeper levels of humility in Christ than we've ever known before...that we might be diligent to preserve the unity of the saints.

Read it. Know it. Remember it. Speak it.

I just heard the beginning of this John Piper sermon called "My Words Shall Abide in You" and he began by quoting several large portions of scripture. I was challenged. How much more powerful would the church be if we all started memorizing scripture and then actually spoke it out loud?? I mean to have it so readily on your tongue that at the blink of an eye you could authoritatively throw it in the devil's face, instantaneoulsy causing him a blow he cannot overcome. (For the dragon was overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony...Rev. 12:11) That's how Jesus fought back in the wilderness under intense temptation. He knew the Word...He is the Word. And then to be able to just speak scripture to friends, family, strangers, neighbors, the hurting, the lost. To just incorporate it into conversation...maybe even unbeknownst to them. OH! To know the Word of God and have it hidden in my heart that at the overflow of my heart my mouth would speak! How much more powerful and LIFE giving would it be for me to verbalize not the words of Shawna, but the VERY words of Jesus, the Son of the Living God. We have chapters upon chapters of His spoken words right at our fingertips. How much closer we would be to our Lord if we not only read His words every now and then, but if we knew them by heart...and then spoke them into this world. John Piper reminded us that this world is ruled by a Liar. All scripture is God-breathed - His very breath and truth into this world of darkness, confusion, deceipt and mistrust. When we speak it, it's like shafts of gleaming bright light - piercing the darkness (remember that great visual book by Peretti?) So let's start proclaiming it, fellow warrior princesses :) And say it to me, even, if you will. I'd love to hear the Truth drench my life. Even God says He will speak it out. I love the LORD's words in Isaiah 45:19 (NLT) "I publicly proclaim bold promises. I do not whisper obsurities in some dark corner so no one can understand what I mean. And I did not tell the people of Israel to ask me for something I did not plan to give. I, the LORD, speak only what is true and right."

Facebook Jesus

I took the plunge and joined the rest of this planet on facebook the other night. What took me so long? Well, you know...I still hang on to the old forms of communication - phone, snail mail, email...and now blogging and facebook. Hello? I could be on the computer everyday, all day, just trying to manage it all. But it's fun, isn't it? I confess to a slight facebook "high" after sending and receiving friend invites. I wonder, what would Jesus write if He were on facebook?

I like the idea of my heart being His wall. And He writes on it all the time. Little messages here and there from the breath of His Spirit alive in me. I especially love it when He posts a picture on my heart - something I can take with me throughout the day. What has He posted on your heart, dear friend? A "Hey - loved our conversation over coffee together this morning..." or "You looked so beautiful today - I mean, the way you sacrificed your time for that hurting friend is so ME." Or maybe, "Hey there- I've been writing on your wall for the past several days but haven't heard from you. Seems you have too many other friends right now. I know what's going on with you. Wanna talk about it? I love you so much. I'll be here when you write back."

I'm not here to psycho-analyze why each of us is or isn't on facebook or email or whatever form of techie communication we may use. I'm just simply wondering out loud. So while it's quiet in the house, the kids are tucked in tight, I think I'll just resist that urge to check my email one last time and search for one last little friend on fb. I see the writing on the wall - (no, thank goodness not the wall in Daniel 5 :) The writing on the wall of my heart. I have a facebook date with the King of Kings...and I can't wait :)

Happy Valentines Day, dear friends. I really think this is a great day...aside from the cheesy character valentine cards and cheap chocolate candies, the idea that there is a whole day set aside just to celebrate Love is really cool.
And I have a great reason to celebrate today. No, not because I just bowled a 78 with my two favorite valentine boys. (I know, isn't that just amazing?) But because I am married to the sweetest valentine on the planet. Right now he's eating crackers, cheese and pickles with my other little valentine and telling him stories of his great-grandpa. I love it. No, I love him.
Gregory Noble wins my heart day after day after day. He is a man among men. He proves himself faithful, loving, gentle and devoted every morning and evening. My man loves Jesus and he loves me :)
And the only way I can explain this kind of love is because it begins and ends in the heart of God. Micah's memory verse for this week is "God is Love." I've been chewing on that.
God is Love
God is Love
God is Love
It is such sweet relief to my soul to thing that the I AM, The beginning and the end of all things, The One who always has been and always will be, The One who sits enthroned over all existence - That HE IS LOVE.
And He loves me. And you. And He knows us better than we know ourselves and He is absolutely enamored with us. We are His treasure...He considered us worth dying for. Now if that's not a Valentine hero, I don't know what is.
I pray today we consider ourselves deeply loved and the center of infinite loving affection.
Happy Valentines Day :)

Oh, girls, I need Jesus. We need Jesus. What does a mother of small children write at 8:36 at night when she still hasn't showered, her husband is gone and she's still a bit hungry? I need Jesus. That's what she writes. I've been taking this whole "humility" thing God's been teaching me and applying it in the context of my parenting. Oh, pride reareth it's wicked head faster quicker than Micah says "Yes!" to fruit snacks. It amazes me how quickly I can snap. The flesh is so weak. So very, very weak. Anyway, I've been thinking about how I so often parent from a heart of pride instead of humility. We are commanded to submit ourselves to all men. Does this not include my children? Are they the exception to the rule since they were placed under my authority? How can I submit to a three year old? I'll tell you how. The same way the God of the Universe submitted to us - by humbling himself to death, even death on a cross, for our salvation. True servant leadership. The Son of Man laid down his life every day He walked this earth and ultimately on Calvary. When the disciples reacted in unbelief and selfishness, He did not scorn or curse them, but in great humility, patience and understanding, He let Love dictate His words and actions. He was ever aware of His position before the Father in Heaven, and thus before men. He came not to be served, but to serve and give His life a ransom for many. Incredible. I can't even go through a day without pridefully letting my anger and impatience get the best of me with my two precious children...and Jesus left His heavenly throne to walk the dust of this earth with broken humanity. So how do I do it? How do I parent in humility? I begin by begging the Father to reveal to me all areas of my life influenced and ruled by pride (including my mothering) and ask Him to uproot it. I ask Him that I might learn of Him, for He is gentle and humble in heart. I pray that in my interactions with Micah and Savannah, I see it as an opportunity to allow Jesus to clothe me with His humility and grace. I begin to see that I am not called to "lord" it over my children, but to gently guide them into all truth but speaking Life into their souls. I beg for help. That's what I do. I surrender my parenting to the sovereign rule of the Heavenly Father and ask Him to help me become more like Jesus everyday as I gently serve and lead two of His precious creations to the foot of the cross. Pride has no place here. Parenting, like all things we are called unto, is sacred ground.

Oh to be Nothing, Nothing...

Georgina Taylor Hymn:

"Oh, to be nothing, nothing, Only to lie at His feet, A broken and emptied vessel, For the Master’s use made meek. Emptied that He might fill me As forth to His service I go; Broken, that so unhindered, His life through me might show.

Refrain
Oh, to be nothing, nothing, Only to lie at His feet, A broken and emptied vessel, For the Master’s use made meek.

Oh, to be nothing, nothing, Only as led by His hand; A messenger at His gateway, Only waiting for His command; Only an instrument ready His praises to sound at His will, Willing should He not require me, In silence to wait on Him still.

Oh, to be nothing, nothing, Painful the humbling may be, Yet low in the dust I’d lay me That the world might my Savior see. Rather be nothing, nothing, To Him let our voices be raised, He is the Fountain of blessing, He only is meek(?) to be praised."

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I remember coming across the first stanza to this hymn back when I was in Mongolia. The words so shook me that I wrote them on a notecard, stuck them to my clouded, chipped mirror and read them so often I memorized them. I have often recalled them, but didn't know there were subsequent lines to this hymn, nor do I even know who Georgina Taylor is (maybe relation to Hudson Taylor? I'll have to see...) Anyway - I first learned of it while reading some stuff either about or by Amy Carmichael.
Just today, the words popped back in my head and I decided to find them once again via google. Some random brother in Christ had posted them on his blog, so I copied and pasted them on mine. God's been recently working in me a greater understanding of humility, largely in part to rereading Andrew Murray's book, "Humility". I highly recommend this small, but deeply profound little book. It has turned me upside down and inside out. I pray the inward change I feel begins to reveal itself in outward actions so that, in the words of the hymn, "the world might my Savior see."
I hope these beatiful penned words encourage you as they have me over the past several years. Looks like I have a bit more memorizing to do :)

Shared Roots

Greg and I spent the afternoon yesterday enjoying a Christmas gift from my brothers and sister-in-law...two cross-country ski rentals. Some dear (and very sacrificial) friends of our offered to take the kids for a few hours so we could enjoy the gift :) And we did! We were directed to this little known nordic ski area just north of town. The weather was frigid cold and snowy, but once you got inside the woods, it was like a fortress from the wind and snow. I think in the frozen forest during winter even time itself hibernates. The marked trails were narrow with plenty of ups and downs to make you break a sweat and then get the thrill of coasting out-of-control almost into a tree...SO fun!! :) As we were coming around the final bend of the loop, we spotted a tree, make that two trees, no, one tree, no...two trees? It was a siamese tree. Two in one. They shared a common root system, but were two distinct trees as they jutted into the air, each in a different, yet upward direction. Then Greg and I got theological. We do that a lot around here. I love him for that...he's one of the few people in my life who will put up with my wonderings and exterally verbal processings of God and His myserious ways. And he always has such great input and wise answers. Greg keeps me on track (in more ways than one). And, Shawna...back on track...we saw started thinking about the spiritual parallels between this/these tree(s) and marriage. You see, the moment we were joined in covenant relationship on that altar, we began sharing a common root system in God's eyes. When he sees us, he sees one...and he sees two. It's one of those wonderful "both/and" mind-blowing God things that we will never know fully on this earth. I've heard it said that marriage is the best picture we have of the Holy Trinity. The Godhead, three in one. It's so beautiful and so deeply moving that we can reflect and share in that mystery in the sanctity of man and wife together as one. We started talking about how if this is the case, if we truly share common spiritual roots, then how much more should I be ever aware of my own personal walk with Jesus. For this directly affects the growth of my husband. If I am rooted and grounded in Love, then Greg will be blessed by that in a way that I cannot see...for it is in the underground portion of the heart and soul. The place only God waters and causes to grow. If my roots are withering, then Greg will feel it, too. Greg's spiritual growth will help my limbs, branches, leaves to flourish and be beautiful for all to see. Now, hear me well. I am not saying that I am responsible for Greg's journey with the Lord, or his lack there of...Nor is he, mine. We are individually accountable to the Father, no doubt. But there is something deep, something profoundly incomprehensible about the spiritual roots we share as husband and wife. Something only God sees. So what am I to do with this truth? I am to pray, pray, pray for Greg's spiritual growth in Jesus. That his roots would go deep into the Love of the Savior. And that God would continue to water our roots as one, keeping them so intertwined in the soil of His Love that neither wind, nor famine, nor any any other pestilence would ever, could ever sever our tree. And that, if one of us grows weak, we can draw nourishment from the roots of the other. We are one tree, one spiritual being, are we not? And as One, we are to offer shade and rest to the sojourner, shelter to wildlife, seeds for new saplings, beauty to the beholder...we are to be Life-givers...for His namesake. For His glory. Simply because He is, and we are His.

lessons from the crib

We let Savannah cry her heart out the other night...for a long time. And she didn't stop. So, like the judge being nagged by the persistent widow, I went in, fed her and she snuggled on down for a long winter's nap. I was thinking about this the day after. It just kills me to hear her cry like that...especially when I'm the one she wants, and know that my very presence and embrace will calm her and bring her peaceful rest. Isn't it like that with our heavenly Father? At times we are so desperate for His present help that all we can do is cry out to him with all we've got. In His grace, He so often comes quickly. "Call to me and I will answer you..." Jer. 33:3. I think of the allegory "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. When Much Afraid is on the deepest and darkest hour, she cries for The Shepherd and he comes leaping and bounding over the highest hills, driest deserts, roughest terrain...just to be with her. To bring her peace, perspective, security and His loving touch. And yet, there are times when I have called out to my Lord to come to my rescue and He has not shown Himself to me. Why? Why wouldn't He let me know His presence? Why would He let me keep on crying? His ways are higher than mine, but perhaps some of His reasons are shadowed in why I didn't got running to my baby girl when she needed me. One, I knew she was OK. I could hear her in the monitor. I had checked on her at the beginning of her cries. And like our heavenly Father, I was awake with her. I wanted her to know that she could fall back to sleep on her own...to build "strength" in her, if you will. Much like our God. In His silence and sovereign choice to not respond in the way we would like, He is strengthing us...our faith, our character, our minds. What deep trust our Father puts in us when He allows us to feel our pain a bit longer than we would like. So, what did I want to do that night? Oh, I wanted to run in there, hold my little one, put her to my breast and rock her gently back to sleep...and eventually I did. And so will our Jesus. But let us trust His timing and His ways. Trust Him in the silence. Know He is listening to your every word, your every cry for help. Yes, He longs to hold you, hug you, kiss you, whisper His love to you. "The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will rejoice over you with singing. He will quiet you with His love." Zeph 3:17. Keep crying out to Him. Hope in His promises. And if it seems He is not answering you right away. Call out again. And again. "So let us know. Let us press on to know the LORD. His going forth is as certain as the dawn. And He shall come like the spring rain watering the earth." Hosea 6:3. He loves you, baby girl.

You know, there's a lot of pressure with the "first post" on a new blog. I mean, if it's a flop, then who's going to want to come back for more? But then again, who's my audience? Is it you, dear reader? Ahhh...you are precious, no doubt, but, no, it is not you. I confess I write for the Most High. He is my source, my "muse" if you will. It's in Him I live, move and have my being. So I suppose that He alone will judge if what overflows from my heart onto this cyber page is worthy. A worthy, fragrant offering before His eternal throne that brings a smile to His holy, beautiful, ever-extending heart of love. Yes, I write for Him. And by His grace, I exist for Him. Well, sweet sister...the smell of freshly baked cookies is in the air (I wonder if we smell like cookies out of the oven to Him sometimes? I hope so.) My hubby is anxiously waiting with a glass of milk in the other room. It's "date" night. I better run before he sneaks one or two of my share :)